Envious of Her

It's been 4 months since the birth of my precious Grace.  I honestly feel like I was just writing about it being her 3 month anniversary with Jesus.  Today was a good day, despite my longing to reunite with her. I wish I could tell her just one more time how much I love her and her cute button nose.  I woke up this morning asking the Lord to help me to find joy in my experience and not fixate on her missing from my life.  I didn't cry at all today besides on my way to work. I thank Him for that!

There are little things, or not so little things, that happen in our lives where we wonder if it was coincidence or the hand of God...I like to call them God-cidences.  This morning I got into my car to hear the morning  hosts gabbing away on K-LOVE.  As I made my way onto the freeway, the first song that airs is Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone).  Cue the tears!  Now, I know that song has NOTHING to do with my sweet pea and it has EVERYTHING to do with what God has blessed us...but it makes me think of her every time I hear it.  It's kinda hard not to when her name is in the song seven times.  And every time I hear the word grace, I am reminded that I am so unworthy of anything that He ever blesses me with.  He did not have to bless me with becoming pregnant and allowing a little life to form inside of me.  He didn't have to bless me with those two hours and seven minutes with her.  But because of His grace and loving-kindness, He DID!  Praise be to Him!

Today I'm rejoicing over her little life and the time she has been afforded to spend with her Savior. Our Savior that obeyed his Father and bore the cross so that our sins are washed away and so that we may spend an eternity with Him in heaven.  Because of His grace, we are SAVED!  

I'm not sure what heaven is like...most people don't.  I don't even fully know that I'll ever get to see my Gracie again for sure.  But I do know that in heaven we will find God our Father.  And anywhere he is, it is going to be one extravagant place - no hurt, no pain, no sorrow, no jealously...only joy and happiness.  My Gracie isn't hurting anymore and in His presence she has been made whole...not lacking anything.   I long for the day that my God completes me.  I remain envious of my little one because she was made whole before me (not the order any mother intends) and has been worshiping Him in all his splendor for 120 days.  I'd give anything for the roles to be reversed.  However,  I know she is in a much better place. 

Happy 4 months with Jesus, sugar! <3 Mama