The Perfect Pair

Grace's 9 month anniversary was Monday.  I sat in an empty house flooded with emotion.  On my bed I sat with her ashes nestled in my lap and I wept.  I poured over her pictures of her birth and simply smiled. The realization hit again that God surely blessed us with an incredible baby girl.  A girl who will constantly remind me of His faithfulness.  As each month passes, I wonder who she'd be today, what new things she'd be learning or trying to do, and I find myself  lost in a sea of sadness. I often question whether this will ever get easier.

I never imagined all the hurt that would come of Grace's diagnosis and passing.  The pain isn't just there because we chose to carry her to term.  I often feel like people get the impression that I did this to myself.  No matter if we decided to end our girl's life at 19 weeks or carried her until God called her home, the pain would still exist.  Trust me, I am friends with nearly 2,000 ladies in my support groups that have walked down my path or the path of termination, and EVERY ONE says it's difficult.

I'm thankful for having family and friends that continue to support me.  It tends to make the sting of another month of her not in my arms a little easier.  My dear friend Michelle always reminds me that she's dancing with Jesus.  Her gentle words always seem to calm my soul and her sweet messages allow me to picture Grace completely healthy while enjoying her stay with her Savior.

Every month, the three girls I teach in the morning are the ones to create our calendar that stays on our white board throughout the month.  When they first arrived in my classroom, the didn't know the months of the year or the days of the week.  It brings a smile to my face when they take the marker out of my hand to work their magic and spell the words independently.  It never fails. As we work our way through the month to list important dates, Grace's heavenly birthday is ALWAYS displayed on the board.  They don't tip toe around my feelings because they think mentioning it may hurt me.  I'm sure by the huge smile on my face every month that they know it brings me such joy to see her name written on that board.  And when the 18th arrives, my little sweetheart, Yer, gives me a big ole' hug and reminds me that I will see her again. Ironically enough, whenever I say Grace's name, Yer pauses and says, "Jesus?"  Gosh, I love her. We giggle together and I always tell her that I think Jesus and Grace are the perfect pair and I wouldn't want her with anyone else.  Jesus...written all over Grace's beautiful life.. THE PERFECT PAIR indeed.

                                     
Death has been swallowed up in victory.

Where, O death, is your victory.  Where, O death, is your sting?

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.  

1 Corinthaians 15: 54-57