I saw this on another Anencephaly mom's website. I'm sure you've met handsome Colin already, but it was his mama who posted this picture. The moment I saw this, I wept. I can't tell you how many times your daddy and I sat in prayer asking God to bless us with you. He heard those prayers, Grace, and he answered! He answered by delivering you to us...one gift that has accomplished SO much!
Honey, I am so sorry that I even hesitated for a moment when the doctor told us our options, because you weren't a mistake. No child is! You were created for a purpose and your days (or hours) were numbered just like mine are. I sit and mull over that thought all the time. I thank God daily for placing and using certain individuals in my life to light my path during that time...to revel God's glory and to allow me to understand how precious life is and that it wasn't in my power to end your life. I thank God for the pictures I saw on the internet that sparked the reality of what I was considering. I thank Him for those long, tear-filled conversations with your daddy and grandma shortly after your diagnosis.
You see, I think every. single. part of that was in God's plan for me. Because of the unbelievable blessing of you Grace, my faith and grown and matured so much. He has used YOUR life to reach and change me and I fully believe most mothers cannot say that about their child. I pray, Grace, that you can forgive me of my thoughts and know you were not mistake. I pray that you may know how thankful I am for those short two hours where you rested in my arms and how I blessed felt to be able to gaze and touch every inch of sheer perfectness. Tomorrow it will be your 6 month anniversary spent in Heaven, little one. It seems like just yesterday I was holding you in my arms! I want you to know that I love you more than words could ever convey! Until we meet again, keep on praising Him! <3
In Him,
Mama
It would have been one thing if you acted on your initial thought to ask Grace for forgiveness, however, you didn't. You let the will of God control your life and followed His plan. Don't beat yourself up, darling. You carried her and loved her every bit of the way. Most parents wouldn't have sacrificed that time knowing their baby would pass away. You did and relied on Him to get you through. Keep trusting in His ultimate plan for you. Rejoice in the fact that you will get to kiss her sweet face again. God bless you, sister in Christ.
ReplyDelete