Continuing To Write

When I first began blogging I felt as though I needed to be writing every day or else I was letting Grace down somehow.  A heavy weight rested on my shoulders if a couple days had passed and my fingertips had never grazed the keyboard. I felt some sort of an obligation to write and I never wanted to feel pressure to share our journey. Writing has been healing for me. It allows me to let out my feelings when I may have otherwise stayed silent.  And those of you who know me, know that I'm more of a listener than a talker.   Blogging has allowed me to keep others abreast of how God is working through us in this difficult time, to show others how He was carrying us and providing us strength to continue journeying through our life, and to share Grace's life with the world by bringing hope and healing to others.  

Writing on this blog has changed drastically as the school year began.  I slowly began to realize that I wasn't going to be able to document everything that was taking place in my life as a result of Grace.  I simply found that there wasn't enough time in my day to sit down at my computer and write, even though there were many stories to be told. And as my writing becomes rather sparse, the number of page visits have seemed to dwindle rather significantly.  And when I see those numbers dropping, I question whether or not it's because I'm not writing as often or are people done hearing about our little girl and the impact of her life. 

Blogging was always so strange to me.  I always felt like people just needed to go out and buy a journal to write their innermost thoughts in, surely they shouldn't be writing on the internet for the world to read.  After we found out about Grace's diagnosis, I scoured the web to find information and real life stories of families that carried their babies to term.  I began reading many blogs and following families and their journey through this diagnosis.  Each of their blogs helped me to better understand my thoughts and feelings, and in turn provided me great support. The blogs that I read inspired me to share and document our story.  Even though I wish I would have actually started writing when I set up my page shortly after her diagnosis, I've found it to help calm my soul, even almost ten months after her death.  It's like therapy to me. 

However, I don't just write for myself.  I write for people who are just beginning to walk the path that I will be on for the rest of my life.  This space in which I use to write about how this diagnosis has shaped my life and has allowed me to connect with so many other mamas that have been given the same diagnosis or have gone through miscarriages, or similar losses.   Many have written me e-mails about wanting to terminate their pregnancy and through conversing, I am able to shine His light where darkness resides.  I am able to connect these ladies to the  support groups that have brought me so much support during my grieving process.  Also, I'm able to be real and honest about the reality of what may lie ahead in their journey.  I am thankful for this opportunity and I take it very seriously!  

That is enough for me to keep writing even when I feel like no one is reading.  I will keep pushing through my thoughts and the aftermath of my grieving, so that I'm able to share Grace's story and bring glory to His name. 

I fully believe God has used Grace's life to touch others through me, and I will not let that stop because of the busyness of my life.  I am thankful for this avenue to share how God is moving in our life and for the people that are continued, faithful readers. I thank you, for taking a moment to read the words written and for getting to know my heart a little deeper.