Thursday, March 21, 2013

She Called Me Grace

I made a recent visit to my family physician that I have been seeing since the age of seven years.  I wanted to meet with her so that her and I could touch base about some recent blood draws she took and to discuss what the numbers actually meant.  When she entered the room, she asked me how I was doing and what I was there to see her about.  After reading her a tremendously long list of things I wanted clarification on, she looked and me a said, "Oh, we will have to schedule a follow up appointment to discuss all of these things.  Let's start with the most important to you, and work from there. I only have twenty minutes."

She looked at my records and saw that I had not visited her since 2009, so she wasn't aware of my miscarriage or the passing of Grace. She asked me to walk me through what had happened, the care I received during my pregnancy and after both losses, and how my grieving is going.  It felt so good to be able to explain both of my journeys with her and share my heartache. She kept rubbing my leg, wiping her eyes, and truly listened to my feelings. What a blessing!

After she consoled me, she began talking about the blood tests in which she tested my folic acid and homocystein levels. After joining my Anencephaly support groups, there has been a great deal of chatter about the difference between folic acid versus folate and the MTHFR gene mutation, which as been linked to this neural tube defect.  She excused herself to obtain research and when she came back, she was just as confused since the documents used the words folic acid and folate interchangeably.

She continued on throughout my list of questions and concerns, addressing every single topic with such care and the most gentle spirit.  She ordered a laundry list of blood tests to see if there are causes for concern and  to check my hormone levels since there were issues prior to getting pregnant with Grace.  I was directed to the examining table and while she did the routine ear, mouth, and heart check, she continued to ask questions about our little sweet pea, Grace.

She helped me off the table and gave me the biggest and longest hug I have ever received. I am a sucker for a good hug! I was told that she would call me within the next day or so to inform me of the results of my tests and would send my chat to an OB/GYN that she strongly recommended.  I gathered my things and headed to an area where I waited for the lab tech to call my name.  While I sat there waiting, I pulled out my phone from my purse and glanced at it to see that I had been in her exam room for an hour and a half.  My mouth hung open as I realized she stayed with me a whole hour and ten minutes over my allotted time.  I felt tremendously horrible that other patients were held up in the waiting room, but truly felt cared for and valued as her patient.  Since my mom and I share the same doctor, I immateriality called her to tell her what she had done. We both came to the same conclusion that we are truly blessed to such a loving and caring doctor.

On the 18th, I called her office to check in with the status of my referral to her recommended OB/GYN since I missed their call while I was at school Friday.  The receptionist transferred my call to the doctor and she said, "Hello Grace!"  I smiled and said," Oh no, doctor ----, this is Jessica.  My daughter's name is Grace."  She gently laughed and responded, "Jessica, when I think of you, I think of Grace. I hope you don't mind I said that. She's one lucky [blessed] girl to have a mama that loves her so much."

She called me... Grace.

Grace!

My own daughter's name.

What an honor!  

It was evident that she listened intently the day she spent so much time with me. Talk about being blown away.  And I most certainly loved how she talked in the present tense as she spoke of my love for Grace. In fact, she nailed it on the head.  Just because Grace isn't in my arms, doesn't mean my love for her has ceased. In fact, it continues to grow stronger as each day passes.

My doctor inspired me that day. I will continue to speak her name and not feel guilty when doing so.  I will tell her story with love and passion so others understand how loved she is by her Heavenly Father.  Her name will be spoken out of love and with purpose to bring glory to His name.  Grace's name will be said because it's healing for me and makes her feel incredibly close to my heart.

Grace

Grace

Grace

Mama, loves you...

                                                           
And your little piggies!

2 comments:

  1. I recently came across your blog and seeing your love radiate out of your words. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find peace in her passing. I can't imagine the hurt and pain you feel on a daily basis. Praying...

    ReplyDelete
  2. **and I love seeing your love radiate** sorry for the type-o

    ReplyDelete

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