A Bond Shared

Almost four years ago Paul and I said, "I do."  We found our vows written purely from scripture, so they weren't the traditional vows you hear at most weddings.  And if you were there, you'd remember that our vows were very long and extremely wordy.  In fact, when Paul said his vows, Pastor Terry had so slow down and say less so Paul could recite it back correctly.  I, on the other hand, made a giant fool out of myself by stumbling over the words and laughing in the process. I know that saying your vows should be taken in a very serious manner, and it was never my intention to laugh, but that's what I do when I'm embarrassed.  I really couldn't help myself.

With those words, I entered into a covenant with my husband, not only before Paul, my family, and friends, but before God.  I take that very seriously.  And with part of that covenant, I promised that I would be in it for the long haul with him...for better or worse, or til death do us part.  It was more eloquently stated in our vows...I promise!  Looking back, I never really took the time to sit and process what that might entail.  Don't roll your eyes.  I just didn't want to imagine what could be thrown our way.  I knew that what God had brought together, we were not going to separate...no matter what!

I love Paul more today than the day I said, "I do." The man I married is much different than who he was on our wedding day.  Paul has really learned to walk alongside God, to trust in Him, and has become such a great spiritual leader in the process.  He is slower to anger, so much more easy going, and always has been wonderful listener.  One quality I loved about Paul when we first started dating was that he is phenomenal listener and communicator.  He and I would sit for hours talking, giggling, and crying together.  And when we weren't talking, we were watching movies and giggling.  He would feed or more like shove popcorn and peanuts in my face as we were watching.  He is such a character and the lover of my soul!

On our wedding day, besides it being blistering hot, I walked down that isle, ready to commit myself to someone that I was going to travel through life with. So, it didn't surprise me one bit that Paul was by my side when our lives were turned upside down on every account possible. I am forever grateful that he has not let me walk down this road alone.  When we walked down that isle on August 23,2008, I never would have imagined that traveling through life together would've meant burying our first born.  I never thought we'd be given an option to end our child's life or that we'd have to hand our baby over to a complete stranger and never see her on this side again.

After doing some research, I've read that the divorce rate is between 15%-90% for couples that have lost a child.  That's a pretty large range, so I'm sure it's anywhere in the middle of that.  At any rate, the death of a child can be the breaking point for some families.  We were determined that nothing would shake us and that God would walk with us on our journey.

Looking back, I could see how a decision such as ending your child's life or carrying your baby as long as the Lord lets you, could be another breaking point if the views were divided.  I remember, so vividly, talking with Paul  about what our next steps would be after hearing Grace's diagnosis.  Confidently, he knew that Grace was one of God's children and never wanted to take her life.  However, I lacked his confidence at the time.  Paul never once tried to sway my thinking, but he trusted that the Lord would guide me and my decision making.  Patiently, he saw the transformation before his eyes. It's amazing what can happen when we put our trust fully in Him!

I'm quite sure that those of you reading this would have never imagined some of the things you went through or are going through with your spouse.  I'm sure when you said, "Til death do us part," you never understood the ramifications to that statement.  But, when I said those words or some form of that on my wedding day, I meant every. single. word.  I never want to be part of the divorce rate statistic, and I will fight for that never to happen no matter what God throws our way.

Paul and I now share a connection that has brought us so much closer together.  We share one of the most beautiful and most heartbreaking moments that two people can share: the act of bringing a beautiful child into this word and holding her in our arms until she left to be with her Lord and Savior.  This is a piece of the thread that binds our til death do us part.

The pictures above are from our first date together!  Paul just HAD to sit on my lap and take pictures. I'm so thankful he did! I was super embarrassed and nervous, as you can see from the photographs.  He never did get one of me looking into the camera.  Stinker!  I'm so thankful that the Lord blessed me with him and his playfulness.  What a wonderful gift to be given!  There's no one else I'd rather walk through this life with! Til death do us part, baby! <3