I've had many people ask to see pictures of Grace. It just warms my heart when anyone wants to see her. And it truly brings me so much joy to have others ask about her. I'm sure most parents can relate. I'm proud of her and to be her mama. But I have to say that I've built up a pretty thick wall when it comes to protecting my Gracie.
Prior to having her, I read up on so much literature dealing with Anencephaly. The cruel comments that surfaced about these babies broke my heart. Someone even had the audacity to say these babies looked like "monsters." Many poked fun about their eyes and how they look "frogish" and it just crushed me. I did not want this to be said about my girl or anyone's child for that matter. It's been a fear of mine since the moment I found out her diagnosis that others may not view her the way God would. I feared that by me posting pictures, others would cringe or talk badly about Grace.
I've done a tremendous amount of praying about my feelings and I've even questioned why these feelings existed. Besides my family (parents, brothers, sister-in-laws, aunts) our Pastor, Kelly, and my dear friend Kara, no one else saw Gracie up close at the hospital. Not to sound rude, but Paul and I didn't want many people visiting us. I heard how taxing labor and delivery can be and I didn't want to have to explain her birth story when it was so fresh in my mind. And honestly, I didn't want people to view my girl not alive. It crushed me. I was however, very thankful to those that tried to come to see us. It showed they cared about our well-being and it made us feel unbelievably loved.
I was sharing my feelings about posting a picture of Grace on Facebook with two of my co-workers/friends the other day at school. Mollie reminded me that if people truly loved Grace, negative comments wouldn't exist - they'd see His perfect creation in her. Amen! The truth and wisdom that pours out of her is a breath of fresh air!
Through the last couple of months grappling with this, I've realized that God's grace is etched in her features. His perfection reminds me of all the goodness that comes from His creation. When I look at the only pictures I will ever have of my first born, I see a glimpse of God. I touched her. I kissed her. I rocked her. This journey started with God and will continue with Him. Plain and simple. Grace is a blessing to me and that is what makes me proud. And with that comes the territory of being able to show her off, to talk about her, and not shy away because of what others may say or think.
I have appreciated all the wonderful comments I have received thus far about my sweet Grace. She is beautiful, isn't she? However, I am well aware that there is the possibility of people making comments about her behind my back. And if that is the case, then they are choosing not to see His goodness and perfection at work.
I already see Grace as being whole and complete in Him. I see Grace wrapped in God's glory and in her Savior's sweet embrace. She is with the angels, surrounding the throne. And if she can't be here with me, there is no where else I would rather her be.
To honor my daughter today, twelve Fridays after her birth, please watch the video that was so graciously created by Kelly at Illustrations Photography at the address below. You many have to enter the password: Morris upon viewing the video. Turn on your speakers. There is a song that plays. Ironically enough, it's called, "How Beautiful." God's work and grace at it's finest!
Grace,
I wish I could tell you, Gracie, just one more time how much I love you. Oh, I just can't wait to see you! It's Friday...again. I woke up and smiled because of you! I'm trying this "new thing" where I think of the positives in a situation instead of the negatives. So today, I'm reminded how wonderful it was to be able to hold you in my arms for those two hours and seven minutes. I loved that I got to hear some of your little voice while you were here. Because my dear, you didn't cry when you entered this word, like most babies. I tell everyone what a little fighter you were, and it makes me smile every time because it is so true! God gave me the strength to carry you and provided you the strength to endure your birth and to live for a glorious two hours. You sure are one tough cookie. Praise be to Him!
Your daddy took off work today. He is going to spend the afternoon with me because I go back to work next Monday. Where did this summer go? I think I say that every year! We are going to go on a bike ride and are headed to State Fair with Grandpa and Grandma. I will eat a cream puff..or two for you! =) I only wish you were able to join us...I'd give anything for that!
I am always reminded by your little feet of Romans 10:15. Thank you, little one, for helping to strengthen my faith and to trust in our Lord with my entire heart. It brings me to tears as I write to you. Tears of joy! I love you, my girl!
In Him,
Mama
Every good and perfect gift comes from above (James 1:17).
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