A Restored Relationship

It’s refreshing to be able to sit down and write for once.  I need to clear my mind and this is a great avenue to be able to accomplish that.  Our lives have been on a go, go mentality and I’m not all that fond of this running a mile a minute.  I still have my sewing machine sitting in my bedroom waiting to be opened and used. On Christmas Day, around 8:00 p.m., Paul and I ventured to Alabama to visit his brother and family.  His brother is being deployed to South Korea for a year in February, leaving his wife and daughter behind.  I couldn't imagine Paul leaving for a year.  I get really emotional when he's gone for a week at a Young Life camp for pete's sake. My heart aches for them. 

Since his brother's family came up and stayed with us during the time of their father's passing, a different bond was formed between the four of us.  Paul and his brother were never close growing up and to make matters worse, he enlisted in the Army right out of high school.  Scott (Paul's brother) was "never really around" and so neither of them really put any effort into their relationship.  Jenny and I never really got off on the right foot, which made for a difficult time getting to know each other.  To make matters worse, we had a complete falling out prior to her giving birth to their daughter, Allison, and communication was nonexistent.  I mean, literally, we didn't communicate until they were guests in our house in June.  I couldn't even imagine myself walking into their house after they cremated their daughter not even a month ago...I would have been beside myself.  Paul would've had to tranquilize me in order for me to step foot onto their property.  My husband kept reassuring me that they weren't staying because he knew how hurt I was, but kept saying that I would have to face her at some point during the week.  Within an hour of them arriving in Wisconsin, Paul received a phone call from his brother saying they didn't want to stay at their grandma's and that they were on their way over our house. I instantly began to sob. I was devastated that I grieving the loss of my baby and then so quickly I was to turn on a "happy face" and have people stay in my home.  Quite honestly, the not so Christ-like Jessica, didn't want them there.  My heart was so hardened.  

Before they walked through our door, Paul and I prayed together, and I sat in the bathroom crying out to Him myself.  I prayed for a restored relationship between the two of us, to soften my heart from the bitterness that built up, to relate to someone I knew nothing about, and for Him to be the center of our conversation.  I also knew that it would be hard seeing Allison, who was around 13 months at the time.  It wasn't just because we had just lost Grace, but because Allison is a constant reminder of the developmental stage of where our first baby we lost would have been...in fact they would have been a month apart!  

God's love for His children is amazing and I fully believe He hears and answers our prayers.  Within a matter of twenty minutes Jenn and I were on the floor playing with Allison and forgiving each other for our past actions and choice of words.  Later that evening we invited them into our lives by sharing our DVD of Grace's short life.  There were tears shed, but I think it allowed us all to be vulnerable. It was a great avenue for Paul and I to profess Christ's love and to show His faithfulness, peace, strength, and comfort that we were graciously blessed with through our dark time.  I thoroughly enjoyed every single moment I spent with them.  Thank you, God!

I could probably guarantee that if it weren't for the horrible death of the boy's father, that Jenn and I still wouldn't be speaking.  Sometimes an unexpected thing, like the passing of someone, can unite a family.  I fully believe that happened in this situation.  I'm so thankful  that God moved our hearts to forgive one another, to press on, and to grow a deeper relationship than what had existed.

After they left, we all continued to remain in close contact.  I thank God for them daily and pray we can continue to grow even closer. We were welcomed into their home for five days over my Christmas break and enjoyed spending so much together.  Jenny cooked us amazing meals, we played with our adorable niece, bonded over good conversation and movies,explored Fort Benning, met some of their friends, and went shopping in Columbus, GA.  And despite one rough afternoon/evening where I was sleep deprived and severely emotional by the way I handled the, "do you all have children" question, the trip was fabulous.  I continue to thank God for having a husband who is so sensitive to my emotional state when it comes to our sweet girl.  He knew I was very sad and was there for me as I rested in bed and balled my eyes out.  I hate feeling like I fail my daughter.  

Paul and I are blessed with wonderful family members, near and far.  We pray that one day, Paul's brother and family will move much closer to Wisconsin so that everyone can be blessed by their presence. Please keep the Gay family in your prayers as Scott deploys for South Korea in February.