Carried

I'm finding that the more I am in and surrounded by the Word, the more comforted and at peace I feel.  I was explaining to several friends at school today that I feel so ALIVE emotionally.  And I know that I owe that to Him and Him alone. I would have never of made it through this valley without Him. Please don't get me wrong, I have my moments and miss my baby girl more than you could imagine.  I truly don't think there's even a minute that goes by that I don't think of her or want to talk about her.  Oh, I just love talking about her...what mama doesn't?

Have you ever heard that song called Mountain of God by Third Day? I heard it on the way home from work today and was reminded that we must go through valleys to stand on the mountain of God.  Often times we may feel like we lose our way and in turn end up feeling so alone and abandoned.  Our journey may seem daunting and the road may be difficult, but He's the One that has gone before and will help us carry on.

I remember sitting on my parents loveseat the night we found out about Grace's condition. I kept feeling her dance away inside of me and the more she moved, the more I fought to hold back my tears.  I kept my eyes fixed on the television so my family couldn't sense my emotional state.  As any good mama would, my mom sat across the room from me and could tell I was crying.  She motioned for me to leave the room and to join her in the family room on the opposite side of the house.  We both plopped down on the couch and she wrapped her arms around me.  We sat there initially without saying a word and just sobbed together.  She then took her hand and rubbed my tummy.  She looked at me and asked me what I was thinking about.  I explained to her that I had no idea how I was going to carry her all while feeling her move inside me and grow in size knowing the outcome.  I doubted the fact that I was going to be able to carry her at that point in time.  I was thinking solely about myself and not about the fact that a wonderfully created person was moving and growing inside of me.

My point in sharing this snap shot was that the road of carrying her was long knowing what her final outcome was.  Even though I had been praying hard for a miracle and knew at any point he could heal her, it still rocked my world.  However, He knew my pain and was well aware that I felt this way about her moving inside of me. He continuously provided me with perseverance and strength to overcome what I thought would be most challenging.  I literally went from sobbing on that night about her kicking to later rejoicing in the fact that she was still moving and was still with us.  Each and every movement in my tummy reminded me that life is short and we have a God that gives and takes away.  He showed me to appreciate EVERY moment I could spend with her while she was inside of me.  I would play Divine Romance and Like an Avalanche on my cell phone and lay it on my stomach every night.  My tummy would sway back and forth and always brought a huge smile to my face knowing she was there and how she danced away beautifully inside of me.

 He carried me through many situations that I would have imagined to be hard to walk through.  He continuously provided me with a new perceptive and way of thinking.  He taught me to fight hard just as though Grace did.  We have a God that is always with us and will continue to carry us through our deepest valleys. What an amazing Father we have!

"I’m ALIVE, even though a part of me has died.  You take my heart and breathe it back to life. I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide when the hurt and the healer collide" (MercyMe).

We love you Gracie!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1).