A little late on posting this...it's from Thursday, May 24th, 2012
The days don't seem to get any easier and the pain, loss, and sorrow do not subside. I miss Grace more and more as each day passes. People will say to me, "Oh, it will get easier as time goes on." "Easier?" I'm not sure that I want it to get "easier," nor do I want time to just "go on." Everyone deals with their grieving process differently, and I understand that. Paul and I are showing our emotions very differently. I wake up every morning and see her two blankets that were graciously made for her sitting on the edge of my bed. Her perfect little feet molds lay on my buffet table, and I kiss them wishing they were the real thing. Her perfect little hand prints remain on the canvas that is displayed proudly in our living room. All reminders of her once being on this earth and longing to be with her again, but in heaven.
Today I woke up to my cell phone ringing away on my night stand. I turned over to see a text message from my friend Lisa. She invited me out to breakfast to get me out of the house...and rightfully so. Lisa graciously dropped off a meal she made for Paul and I and told me she'd be back to pick me up after she dropped off her daughter. She was being cognizant of the fact that I just lost my sweetie pie and didn't want it to be hard on me to see her daughter. I appreciate that. I got my stuff together and headed to her car to see her sweet angel sleeping away in the backseat. What a miracle she is!
Lisa and I have been friends ever since Sophomore year high school when the guys we were dating were best friends. Lisa and I were very close friends, but became even closer in college when we lived together in the dorms. After college, our lives caused us to drift apart, but we still remained in close contact. She is the type of friend that you can just pick up right where you left off. Our conversations just flow so naturally.
She and I sat at Blues Egg for hours, sipping on coffee, eating our blueberry pancakes, and talking about life and love. We laughed, we cried, and I repeatedly thanked God for her friendship throughout our entire time together. I have my L back!
Despite the heartache and loss I'm feeling for Grace, God is constantly reminding me that he has not forsaken me. He is placing and has placed so many individuals in my life to remind me of that. I look back to my pregnancy with Grace and am humbled by the support I received from my parents, family, and friends. The calls and text messages I got from people just asking how I am doing made me understand how I want to act in the future. The prayer support from people around the United States made me realize that we have an amazingly loving Creator. The meals people are providing make Paul and I feel so cared for. The e-mails and messages on Facebook that I have received from people that I don't even know, hardly know, or haven't talked to in years allow me to see that this life isn't just about me...it's about being a disciple of Jesus Christ and sharing His love with everyone! I seriously could go on and on and tell you what specifically people have done or still are doing through this journey, but this post would go on and on...God is good!
More than ever, I feel God's presence, comfort, and love. I fully believe He put these amazingly selfless people in my life to show me His love and to remind me that He has not forgotten me. I'm thankful that He is using my precious daughter to bring me closer to Him. Grace's little life has spoken volumes already and she has changed me (her mama) into a brand new person. Ahh, I can't wait to wrap my arms around her and tell her how thankful and blessed I am to have her as my daughter. And, I can't wait to thank God for challenging me, strengthening me, and molding me into a women I'd never thought I'd be.
To those of you who have prayed for Paul, Grace, and I, been there, supported us, etc. Thank you! You are forever written in Grace's story. We love and adore you!
<3, Jess and Gracie
How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Romans 10:15b
Jess and Gracie,
ReplyDeleteAs I read through your blog, the lump in my throat got bigger and bigger. I can't know or understand the pain you are going through, but I am praying relentlessly for your strength and peace. Although our little girls didn't get the chance to meet, my little girl will always know Grace and her story. Grace-an angel delivered to bring hope, to mold hearts, and to stand up for the unborn.
Jessica and Paul,I want to encourage you to keep writing and telling your story. God knows who needs to read it and He has the power to change hearts. -Continue Grace's fight for her.
Jess, we are back! I love you. Lisa