Only in Him

Perhaps I should clarify my blog post from Tuesday...it's still on my mind and I promise once I get this off my chest, you'll hear nothing more of it.  I re-read what I wrote and I felt that my words came across as though there was a blow out between the two of us.  I often think of the word confrontation as having a negative connotation to it and I do not want my readers to think that my doctor came across as attacking.  In fact, she was very calm and even keel the entire time.  She never came across as though she was furious that I revealed information about her care on my blog, but explained how she was sorry for not giving me the care that I thought I deserved.  She repeatedly said that she by no means wanted to make anything harder on me and I appreciated the fact that she mentioned that she felt bad, cried, and even prayed for us. If she really meant what she said, I'm not sure, but I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  I'm also very thankful that I received a phone call from her on Wednesday informing me of the results of my blood work.  I think it shows a lot about a doctor when they take time out of their busy schedule (no sarcasm intended) to personally talk with their patients.  Now, I don't want to put the blame solely on her because I should have stepped up and said something if I was feeling hurt and offended by her comments.  However, I'm very much that person and keeps things inside in the heat of the moment.  This has really taught me that a doctor/patient relationship (as does any other) needs to work both ways.  I need to be open with my doctor and express how I am feeling. She could only care for me how she knows, not how I expect her to care for me.

. . . . . . . . . 

 I spend a great deal of time on Fridays teary eyed (Gracie was born on a Friday).  I feel like I relive Grace's birth and the time we spent with her over and over again.  I look at the clock at 12:18pm and am reminded how wonderful it felt to bring one of God's children into this world.  Most Fridays I cut Grace some new flowers to put on top of her wooden box, spend time with her, and look at the pictures and the DVD that Kelly so graciously made for us. As I was looking through the pictures again today, I got held up on one picture in particular.  This picture...

Do you see it?... I am laughing.  My first born, my baby girl, the one I carried for nine months had just passed away and here I am laughing.

If you have ever wondered if there truly is a God, I want you to look closely at this picture and ask yourself a question.  How could this be happening if there isn't One?

I prayed over and over again for God to help me rejoice in her birth and to provide me with joy and peace while she was with us.  And you know what? Kelly was able to capture my prayers being answered in this very photograph. 

The peace that passes all understanding...

Only in Him!