My mom and I share everything..well almost everything together. Sometimes, I think it weirds Paul out. He'll hear me on the phone with her and roll his eyes, or I hear, "Oh, come on!" So it wasn't any surprise that I wanted my mom by my side when I delivered Grace. Truthfully, I would have had my dad in there as well, but I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Every step of my pregnancy she was there helping me through it. She even came to my 10 week appointment to see our little bean hiccuping and dancing away. Seeing the smile on her face was priceless.
Yesterday evening she and I went to an art expo in downtown West Allis. We got dinner together at a place called Bunkers and tried to figure our where the art was actually hiding. Much to our surprise we asked our waitress about the event and she said that their featured artist just came. We turn around and it's a person who draws caricatures. We both looked at each other with a puzzled face. We most definitely didn't think that would be part of the art expo, but who were we to judge. As we made our way through downtown, we decided that this wasn't what we thought it would be and headed to Paulies to relax outside and have a drink.
As our conversation moved to discussing my upcoming doctors appointment, my mom suggested that I express my true feelings to my doctor. She said to tell her what a blessing Grace is to our family and how she shouldn't be so quick tell a family to terminate their baby because it is taking away their mother/fatherhood. Some families may not be able to experience life growing inside of them again and why should she suggest medically that termination is the best option. I carried Grace like any normal pregnancy, but had the slight possibility that I could have a build up of amniotic fluid since she couldn't suck and swallow like most babies.
My mom knows I'm not one to stir up controversy. In fact, I often keep my mouth shut and let others say the things that I wish I could have. It's not the best quality, I know. But, as she and I were speaking, my mom continues to remind me that I need to share with my doctor how God delivered throughout my ENTIRE pregnancy. Let me explain: The first evening we found Grace's diagnosis, I sat and sobbed about how difficult I thought it was going to be to feel her move inside of me for the next 5 months. God flipped the script and made it into something joyous. I loved feeling her move because it was a reminder that she was still with us and when I didn't feel her, I became worried. I asked for strength and to be at peace while carrying her. I never had any complications with a high level of amniotic fluid, which most Anecephalic mamas have. Grace turned in my womb and wasn't breech like most babies are with Anencephaly. I started to dilate, my water broke, and I started contractions on my very own, which is very unlikely to happen with a diagnosis such as this. Throughout my whole pregnancy, I prayed that Grace would be born alive and that we could get to spend time with her. I asked God to take her peacefully and that I could rejoice in her birth, and not mourn our loss while she was in our presence. And you know what...each and every prayer was answered. He is a God that hears our prayers and delivers our requests.
Throughout my pregnancy and birth with Grace, I clung to a verse in book of Psalm to remind me that my God is my resting place. "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold (Psalm 18:2)." He is a God that can get me through any and every situation and will protect me and my heart. He delivers!
Thank you, Father, for being my rock and deliverer through my journey with Grace. I find great comfort knowing that I can hide in the heart of You. I pray Lord, that you may provide the peace and comfort that you ever so graciously blessed me with to other families that are experiencing a similar loss. You are my only hope, Lord. Thank you for entrusting us with one of your beautiful children. Help me, Lord, to remain in you and to keep my eyes fixed upon you daily.
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